went to get her Chanel No. 5 fragrance today.. she said she wanted it, so i thought she'll be delighted to see it, but who knows, no reactions...

i'm pretty much still the same.. i think all the fault lies with me..
sensitive, ego, possessive!
i did not change a single bit.. that explains why so much had happened..
same as 8 yrs ago.. quarrels everyday..

after she met me, her life pretty much got ruined by me.. everyday she woke up, there is surely something to spoil her day.. i mean arguments.. from me.. i bet she was never happy with me around.. getting involved with me is a torture & nightmare to her..
no use how hard i try to turn things back, it takes 2 hands to clap.. things would NEVER be the same anymore..

i wan her to be happy, but she will never be with me around.. am i supposed to let her go?
or HOW can i let her go? enough of quarrels everyday, if i cant let her be happy, then why am i making things difficult for her?

its stupid to see my comments got deleted from her FB & friendster.. i am affected by her calling other guys darlings & stuffs.. i really dunno what to do.. i am just FAN JIAN!
when they are nice to me, i take for granted.. when they treat me like shit, i treat them like treasure..

saw this from hazel's blog, which came from joomin's blog..
seriously its very good.. dunno how to say, but its a good video..

is it telling me not to give up on her? HAA!

everything seems so impossible with her

suddenly everything changed..
its like she got another guy, then she's tired of me..
the feeling is so... argh i dunno!
where is all the closeness/bonds/love?

it's like during those days when i was still flirting around, when i found someone new, i tend to neglect/ignore the previous 1.. so is this karma? what comes around goes around..

now that i'm serious, i am being faithful, nobody believe! leopard nv changes its spots?! BULLSHIT! people do change.. =(

i tried to change for her, everything she said, i take them seriously.. what she dont like, i take note, but what's the point when she don't bother?

she's the 2nd girl i really really love! i want her to have the very best in everything to the extend that i can give, i want her to be happy, but who really cares?!
she treats me HOT & COLD..
we're not attached as she don't want a commitment, we used to look like flings, but now it seems more like good friends..

i'm so tired..
i don't know how much longer i can hold on..
it seems that she don't bother.. she ask me to give up if i want to..